The Answer to Self-Destruction

Lately I’ve been thinking about our neediness. We all crave things, and we all have desire – that’s just a part of life. But this neediness often becomes one of two things: self-liberating, or self-destructive.  

We all have an intrinsic role to give, and to receive. It’s when we lose sight of this two-part role that life becomes a burden and may lead to self-destruction.


We can give whether we have a lot, or only have a little. In fact, every moment we have is a chance to give. In every moment, we have an opportunity to use that time and to use it on ourselves, or on others. I am not saying that you should choose to use every single moment on others - that would be self-destructive. Because, like the cliché-but-true saying, you can’t give what you don’t have. 


The point I’m making is that we’re only given so much time, but that is all the more reason to make intentional choices in it. It’s this option to choose what we do with our time that we often forget we have. One of my favorite quotes as of lately is “what if life isn’t happening to you, but for you?” (shout out to Rachel Hollis). 


This simple mind shift can help us realize that every moment can have value if we give it value. And we do this by choosing to give or receive.


 The only reason any great piece of art is created is not solely to exist, but to be shared with others. A good piece of art (whether that be a painting or photograph or video) touches an intrinsic human emotion and validates our existence. We crave this human connection beyond anything else. 


But this connection can only be reached by sharing our experiences.


Self-awareness has to be one of the most important parts of self-care. And self-care enables you to reach your highest potential. But, you can’t achieve this alone. You also have to allow yourself to receive.


The same applies that we can receive whether we have little, or we have much. The key point we need to recognize is that we are not, and cannot be, the only source of our own healing and comfort. 


The sooner we realize this, the quicker we cam grow and have fuller, more meaningful relationships. We have to recognize and communicate with the people in our lives what the deepest parts of us need in order to grow interiorly. This requires us to be vulnerable. 


Having a need does not feel nice. 


It requires us to be vulnerable and therefore open to silence and rejection. While this very well may happen, it is necessary to know that someone’s response to your need doesn’t make your need valid or not. 


When practicing self-care, remember: if a need is necessary, it is necessary. 


And if someone rejects this need, it does not mean the person doesn’t love you, but it may tell you about the nature of your relationship with that person. We all need healthy, reciprocal relationships in order to grow and be better people. If someone can’t recognize your need and help you to achieve it (or point you in a direction that can), then ask someone else. Ask until you get what you need in order to heal and grow. 


It is also essential that while we are taking a risk to be vulnerable by asking for help, we recognize that the benefits far outweigh the risks. The step you take for yourself to seek help in your need is healing in itself. What results is only more goodness to accept. I speak of this from experience. 


What is it that we are giving and receiving? The answer is glaringly simple: love. Love by acceptance. Love by listening. Love by giving hard truths. Love by receiving hard truths. Love by seeking the help we need. Love by giving a deeper part of ourselves. Love by simply caring. 


I in no way claim to be an expert, but I can only share what I, and the people close to me, have experienced. In our intense need, we can only help each other become more human by truly and vulnerably giving and receiving. 


There is no need for a world of self-destruction when a world of people truly human exist.